May 06, 2018

Crying over boiled potatoes.

I have been busy. So utterly, agonizingly busy. This move has not been very easy, not that I ever expected it would be, but that doesn't mean it has been anything short of Hard.

The transition of moving to a new city, leaving our beautiful home, friends, church, and established routine and life is difficult. As is starting new jobs, no matter how much Karl and I both enjoy them. For me, in particular, not having worked full time in nearly three years makes it even more of an adjustment. Living in another person's home is also very difficult, even when they are incredibly accommodating. 

It's all just really hard. 

I've got a draft post from March 20 that was meant to be about our trip to Victoria and back before the big move. I got as far as the title before packing took me away. It hasn't slowed down since.

Getting into the new groove means that I'm up at 6 or 6:30 and do not stop until 8:30 or 9 at night. Get ready for work, get the kids ready, go to daycare, go to work, work, take an inconsistent lunch break, come home, make and eat supper, spend an hour with the kids, throw a load of laundry in, put the kids to bed, make lunches, then collapse on the couch for 44 minutes if I'm not too tired.

Our weekends have consisted of unpacking, a quick trip back to Regina for a wedding, or shopping for groceries and clothes. I realized after my first week of work that I needed to buy a new work wardrobe. This is not as fun as it sounds. It took me two Saturdays to feel like I finally have enough professional clothes to get me through a full week of wearing items that fit my large and in charge mom bod. The seasons have also changed here, and not only did I need to get summer clothes for the kids, but Parker can't wear pajamas all day every day anymore so he needed enough jeans to last between laundry days. I am haemorrhaging money.

Today Karl brought my attention to a large bag of potatoes in the pantry that was slowly starting to spoil. Thanks to extensive googling, I decided to brave new territory and boil then freeze them. We started the process as Molly went down for her nap and Parker was getting ready for his. Molly decided to wake up just as I was turning the potatoes on to boil. Calamity and miscommunication ensued, and the lid to the pot I was boiling didn't get put on and there wasn't enough water in it.

What I'd thought was going to be a 30-45 minute chore was suddenly taking over an hour and a half. I'd been planning to spend the remainder of naptime reading my book, having a snack, and enjoying some blissful, long sought after time to myself. Those plans were gone, and I stood in the kitchen and ugly cried over our mess of dishes and improperly cooked potatoes.

I didn't think I had many idols in my life until recently, and today in particular was like a large pink neon arrow pointing right at mine. My comfort, specifically time to myself and the order of my home are huge idols in my life. I do not feel calm and rested living in the state of chaos we live in. Our stuff is everywhere. I do not feel complete without my quiet time to myself every day, time that I used to spend reading or catching up on shows. I resent everything that gets in the way of those two things in my life. And, well, right now that's everything. 

Right now, life is busy. We don't have a great routine, we don't have much space of our own, and it feels like we sprint from moment to moment because there is so much to get done. But crying over boiled potatoes is not the way I should be living my life. I hate it when, in the middle of my grand pity party, I get told I'm wrong. 

What's the expression? Shape up or ship out? Part of me wishes we could ship back to the comfort of six months ago, but I know that's not our role right now. I'm also not moving provinces again if I can ever help it. So, if you need me, I'll be eating boiled freezer potatoes for the next few weeks, and figuring out how to better manage my time and change my expectations. I'll also be working on putting my comfort where it should be.

March 08, 2018

An update on our current state of chaos.

Things have happened since I last checked in.

We sold our house. In six days. In a market where the average house is listed for 64 days. We were so surprised when the offer came in and it wasn't a low ball. It was absolutely an answer to prayer. While on the job hunt at the end of January, I prayed that I wouldn't get the job I wanted if the house was going to sell in February. Against all odds it did and, if you'll recall, I bombed that interview in spectacular fashion.

We weren't completely prepared for what selling our house in a week would mean. We are so grateful that we didn't have to keep it on the market for long. Even though it was, in a way, easier to keep the house pristine than just normal level of tidy, it was still exhausting.

Going into this, we knew we didn't want to move in winter. Four years ago, we moved out here in the middle of a very long, cold winter, and it was brutal. I'm not sure what the rest of the continent is like, but we are still in full winter mode here. It might not be -40 anymore, but we did get 35 cm of snow this weekend and people are still digging themselves out. 

Now that we've finished the uncertain phase of selling the house, we get to enter the next one, which is almost more uncertain. Initially I had dreamed of moving straight from this house into a new one in Victoria. Bless my daydreaming soul, but that isn't our reality. 

Karl and I aren't transferring jobs or moving because we've been recruited (like last time), we're going in with nothing. That means that we're not able to qualify for a mortgage until we've at least both got jobs, so we're going to be staying with my mom for an indeterminate amount of time. She has lots of bedrooms, but only one bathroom so you can pray for us if you think about it. And pray that no one gets food poisoning.

On the job front, Karl already has a couple offers and is set to start working a couple days after we arrive. I've got an interview already lined up for next week, and a couple other positions I've applied for that I suspect I'll hear back from. Hopefully the job market in Victoria isn't as brutal as the one here. We also have a few childcare options to interview next week. The thing is, if we don't find childcare before I find a job, because Karl already has a job, I'll be turning down any potential offers until something gets lined up. Kids are such liabilities.

Can we talk about the extreme stress of finding childcare? Never mind leaving your kids with complete strangers that you know next to nothing about, it's going to cost us at least 50% more in Victoria than it would in Regina to have two kids in daycare. It's in such high demand there, too, that I emailed over 70 providers in the last few weeks, and heard back from maybe half a dozen of them that they might have room. Factor in some negative reviews I got on a few of them, and we're interviewing two places this week, maybe three. Pray for no secret sociopaths.

We'll be doing the move in two trips because we're fun like that. The first trip is going to be really short. It'll take longer to get there than we'll actually be there. We'll be towing Karl's Mustang, bringing as much stuff as we can, and interviewing/being interviewed out the wazoo. After that we turn and burn, come back to pack up the house, say our final goodbyes, and leave before the Easter long weekend. Pray for no more blizzards. And that we can get the car out of the garage.

When we're not battling colds, I've been slowly packing up the house. It's a weird thing to pack up in phases. We packed some things before we listed the house that we knew we wouldn't need for several months. Now we're packing things and labelling them to go in storage until we get into our own house, or to go to my mom's house with us. Some will get unpacked, some will hang out in her basement. Is it weird how much I'm going to miss my pots and pans? And coffee mugs? And food processor? And blender? I have attachment issues to my kitchen gear.

While I may be sentimental about my small appliances, I'm surprisingly not about a lot of other things. We've sold our couches, are getting rid of most of our dressers, and are trying to sell our bed frame. And the house. I love this house so much, but I'm finding myself less sentimental about it than I expected. Sure, it's our first house, we brought our babies home from the hospital here, and made a lot of memories here, but it's just a bunch of walls and a really nice roof. We'll see how I feel when we say our last goodbye, but I got more emotional last week after my final appointment with the doctor that delivered our kids and saying goodbye to him (not pregnant) than I do thinking about leaving this house.

So here we go. Our year of chaos 2.0 continues.

February 13, 2018

Lately/Currently.

We've been busy lately. Really busy. So busy. Now that our house is on the market, though, there's not much else to do until there's a sold sign on it. Sure, there's always housework, but when you stay on top of it like you do with a house on the market there isn't actually much to do. Did you know it's actually easier to keep your house immaculate when you're on it every single day than it is to keep it regular level of tidy? I know, it's blowing my mind, too. Except if you let it slide even one night, then you're screwed.

Anyway, no one cares about super obvious house cleaning tips. Or if they do they're looking on Pinterest.

reading: Nothing good. I'm reading a book I got from the library's sale table and it's weird. I'm halfway into it and I think I'm starting to understand the plot. I thought about giving up on it, but it's less than 300 pages, and I don't know how to enter abandoned books into Goodreads. So I'm persisting. I might read a parenting book next since I'm trying to go through my bookshelves, but that's not terribly exciting either.

I'm also really enjoying the daily devotional New Morning Mercies. I started reading it in September, but have been more diligent since January. 

listening to: I just listened to Serial, am almost done S-Town, and listen regularly to Strangerville and Young House Love Has a Podcast. All of which I'm enjoying, except less so the second season of Serial. 

I listened to the audiobooks for Just Show Up and Hidden Figures. Hidden Figures made me feel like an underachiever, but I did a puzzle while listening so at least I was flexing my brain muscles. I watched the movie after and I highly recommend both. I think non-fiction is my new favourite audiobook genre.

Just Show Up  was good, and recommended to me by a friend, but I wish I'd read the book instead. I'd heard of Kara Tippetts before and was kind of familiar with her story, but it would have been helpful to be more invested in her personal story. I struggled with the person reading the book, too. She was painfully sincere about everything she said, and I couldn't wait for her to stop talking. No one talks like that in real life.

I just bought the latest Matt Maher album off iTunes. Its a fair bet that's going to be playing a lot.

watching: I'm finally getting into season two of Stranger Things. Season one was okay, but I'm loving season two. I've been watching it at naptime so I can't usually get through more than one episode at a time before Molly wakes up and I turn on something else. She doesn't watch shows with me, but she's around and sees what's on and I just feel like Stranger Things needs my undivided attention, and it's kind of creepy for a one year old. I mean 13 month old. Hold me.

I've also been watching Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23. It's so dumb that I understand why it only lasted two seasons, and it's pretty salty, bu t it's a great background show for when I'm hanging out with Molly while Parker's having his down time.

eating: Currently a breakfast cookie and finishing my morning coffee. I'm not sure where the morning went, but I'm not even done my fist cup of decaf of the day and it's practically noon. I'm usually a two cup by noon kind of person. (Well, when I started writing this it was almost noon. Now it's almost supper time and my second cup of coffee is stone cold and barely started.)

I'm giving up desserts for lent. I don't typically do lent but it starts tomorrow and I need another break from desserts. I enjoyed December and January way too much. I'm not going for 100% success on this, but I'm hoping for 90-95%. 

missing: Fresh air that isn't going to try and kill me. It's February so I'm right on track for that warmer weather craving. I don't even want super warm, I just warm enough to go for a walk without worrying about coming home with popsicle children. It's been -45 with the windchill lately, but today it's a balmy -5. Except with the wind it's -20. I'm really, really hoping that next week we can get around the lake.

loving: Brunch. We had an open house Saturday afternoon so we had brunch at a friend's house. It was awesome. I'm not sure why we never thought to do it earlier. We're going to do it again next weekend at our place and I'm so excited for mimosas and banana bread cinnamon buns and bacon. And friends, of course.

I really need to go for that walk.

wearing: Joggers. If I exercised every time I wore joggers I would be in North Korea right now winning Gold in every single event, men's and women's. I also live in sweaters, leggings, cardigans, and socks. And, on the rare occasion when I actually leave the house, I wear boots. I love boots, I really do, but after six months of winter I miss shoes. I am so excited to put on shoes, TOMS perhaps, without socks. This is my dream. I also dream of not wearing my maternity parka every time I leave the house.

Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss wearing lounge athletic wear all the time if and when that day ever comes, but I just think my leggings would look absolutely darling with something other than my snow boots.

anticipating: All. the. pizza. Our small group is making pizza tomorrow night and Friday is date night, where we make pizza and watch a movie without our phones. It feels like a lot of (goat) cheese, but that's a cross I'm willing to bear. Life is crazy right now, but I think pizza is going to be the soothing balm to my life eczema. How's that for an appetizing metaphor?

Breaking cheese covered bread with dear friends is kind of the perfect way to spend Valentine's Day. Karl and I also desperately need an evening together, not talking about finances, housing, or the darkly impending future. And speaking of darkly impending, I'm really anticipating enjoying a dark beer with my pizza, in my joggers.